We’ve all seen a woman doing crazy things. But have you ever taught about how crazy they could get if THEY WERE ALONE.
1) Stuff themselves with food in the most ungraceful way possible
When out at a restaurant, they know which piece of cutlery goes with which course of the meal, and they always dab their mouths daintily with a napkin to keep their lipstick intact. But at home, girls are just clawing into that bag of chips and ramming that handful into their mouths like the chips are a huge bunch of trash and their mouths are a hungry garbage compactor. Yup, just like us.
2) Perform minor surgery on themselves
They know the best thing to do is to just leave pimples alone, but how can they, when they’re big and bright and threatening to erupt any second? Same goes for those nasty hairs that pop up in random places. A woman’s got to do what a woman’s got to do.
3) Pick their noses openly
Really, there is no demure way to do it and be effective about it. When they’re alone, they like to just get in there and fish that little bugger out with no hesitation.
4) Sing all of the songs.
And if they can’t quite hit those high notes in Mariah Carey’s rendition of “Against All Odds,” they are going to keep trying until they do. (Sorry, next-door neighbor.)
5) Wear the same pambahay for days at a time
Hello, they don’t smell bad at all! (Not yet, anyway.)
6) Take tons of selfies…
…with the goal of posting on IG just one from the entire set. No one will ever know how many times they had attempted to get that selfie just right, or how far they had to get from that cringe-worthy first shot to that Beyoncé-level last one.
7) Go online and stalk their exes
And their exes. And their exes’ exes. They could spiral down and get lost in that endless rabbit hole for hours.
8) While crying over a movie or a book or a sad memory or whatever, they sneak a look in the mirror to see if they still look cute.
We have to still look human when we do the crying bit in front of the boyfriend, right? At the very least, it will make the argument end earlier.
9) Just walk around naked.